


Late Night Out

by Umuulan



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Drinking, Gen, Hanging Out, Late at Night, OT7, One Shot, Parody, Wordcount: 1.000-3.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 19:10:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15564525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Umuulan/pseuds/Umuulan
Summary: When it's nighttime and your ass is stuck out five hours after actually dining in a restaurant, you would naturally possess the wildest desire to go home and hit the hay as much as Taehyung does. Unfortunately, all his hyungs and even his only dongsaeng wanted none of that.





	Late Night Out

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing BTS AU fics (though this is my only finished one for now), but there’s no k-pop category in fanfic.net. So here I am, tis why I made an ao3 account hehe *peace sign*
> 
> This is the result of BTS uploading the [vlive makgeolli promise](https://www.vlive.tv/video/81815?channelCode=FE619) and me binge watching [Osomatsu-san Season 2](https://www2.gogoanime.in/osomatsu-san-2-episode-23) at the same time. The way Tae pointed out everyone’s drunkenness and looked so done reminds me of that particular episode, so I just had to. That’s right, I pretty much lack originality in anyone’s standards (like about 50% of the lines are from the actual episode, rip), just consider this a writing practice, okkk??
> 
> This is **non-idol AU** , but feel free to imagine this as canon compliant/reality if that’s your cup of tea~ Also don’t take this seriously, it’s **semi-crack**.
> 
> I’d like to thank my sister for taking the time to beta test this, even though we’re both hyper aware that she’s a way better writer than I can ever be ;w;
> 
> (Alternate acronym idea of BTS belongs to [ask-kimdaily from Tumblr](https://ask-kimdaily.tumblr.com/post/158059366097/030517-group-chat-log-jimins-integration-to-bts) (pls check them out too, you won’t regret it). Actual Korean words are used (in roman) here; translations are provided at the end notes.)

The self-proclaimed _BTS_ , otherwise known as the _Barely Tolerable Shitheads_ , had known each other since high school and formed a bond stronger than steel that they decided to live together under one roof once they graduated and earned a secure first job. Sometimes, they would admit that the idea seemed impractical, but they were lucky enough to have come across the most spacious and cheapest apartment (complete with three bedrooms, two pairs and a trio of their circle of friends sharing together their own room) they could afford with their combined incomes. Each of these seven shitheads worked separately, but their schedules matched with one another by the five-day workweek system. They considered this coincidence a blessing, for they took the aftermath of their final shift of the week an opportunity to bond as one as a break from their busy adult lives, usually dining at the late night restaurant nearby.

Not once did they omit the drinking part of their hang-out. Always an entertaining way to spend the night, be it cackling at the most trivial details of their surroundings their unsteady senses registered ("Oh my god, what on Earth are rocks doing here!? We’re in indoors!" " _Hic_. Those are tile designs, Joonie. Have you, _hic_ , not the brains?" "Says Min Genius, whose impeccable grammar’s gone haywire~"), activating their philosophical modes to discuss topics people barely wonder everyday including the meaning of life and the reason for their existence (only for them to completely forget the next day), half-wailing about the deepest or tiniest of their worries whether they missed a sale or stepped on dog shit, or simply relaxing and enjoying each other's company, then walk back home with filled tummies and satisfied smiles. Typically they lasted until Seokjin, the eldest, demanded that they’ve had enough, it was time to leave and get rest so they'd get enough hours of sleep. When a stronger drink switched his big brother instincts off, which his dongsaengs deemed a rare occurrence, they would do nothing to follow the bedtime he insisted they follow.

Tonight was one of those nights, and while Taehyung had been looking forward to making fun of his friends' drunken antics (being the softest of the lot, the one with the lowest alcohol tolerance plus good, sturdy sense not to push his limits, he was quite smug for having the advantage to remember his friends' every embarrassing moments), they'd been sitting their asses off for five fucking hours; he swore he could feel his legs stiffening and his butt hurt, and the fact that none of his fellow shitheads stood up to indicate the end of their drinking session was driving him insane.

"Hey," Taehyung broke the silence, looking at his friends’ blush-stained faces and half-lidded eyes. "Let's go home. It's 2:30, so let's just go."

"Hmm..." All six of the remaining shitheads pretended to think this through with thorough decision-making.

"Oh, come on! We talked about this, didn't we?" Taehyung complained with an arm slightly outstretched, struggling to fight his drowsiness to convey how serious he was. "We promised that when we got this relaxed, we'd go home. It's for the best."

"Yeah, but you know..." Jungkook started; everyone lazily faced him. "I don't feel like we can go home, unless we get riled up at least one more time."

Everyone except Taehyung nodded and voiced out their agreement all at once, disregarding the harsh truth that their youngest baby boy, whom they used to restrain from touching a wine bottle a little too harshly, pulled off his most impure move yet by proposing another rowdy round of failed attempts to score a hundred in their imaginary karaoke.

"And that one more time won't ever happen," Taehyung countered, gesturing the empty plates and bowls laying before them that would empty their wallets (hopefully soon if they wanted to avoid premature death by alcohol poisoning).

"Maybe something new and interesting would happen," Yoongi murmured thoughtfully, followed by Jimin's amused giggle, Namjoon’s ‘ooh’ of amazement, and another one of Hoseok's unending yawns.

"It won't! It really won't! I can vouch for that!" Taehyung insisted as he slammed his fist on the table, causing the dishes to clatter. "Let's just go!"

"Oh, I know!" Seokjin raised a finger up, completely ignoring Taehyung, whom he _should_ normally agree with on their current situation.

Yoongi, Namjoon, Jimin, Jungkook, and even Hoseok, who was the closest to dozing off, looked at Seokjin with more interest than to Taehyung and asked at the same time, _what’s up, hyung-nim_ , and _what, what is it?_

"So... why don't we all... you know..."

Seokjin searched for the words while his dongsaengs watched in anticipation. If it weren't for their muddled brains and the presence of the moon instead of the sun, their eyes might have been a whole lot rounder.

"Play the word chain game?"

A second passed before Taehyung gained the strength to shake his head vigorously and shout, "LET'S GO HOME! That’s insanely boring! I can't believe our hyung-nim's still ignoring our need to sleep!"

"Let's start with _gidae_ ," Hoseok began with a newfound heart smile, oblivious to Taehyung's twitching eye, and faced the shithead to his left to pass his turn.

" _Daegae_ ," Jimin continued.

" _Gaebogchi_ ," Jungkook.

" _Chigwa_ ," Namjoon.

" _Gwajeong_ ," Yoongi.

" _Stop it!_ " Taehyung broke the chain with another slam on the table. "Don’t you see how sad this is!? Have some pride!"

"Well then, why don’t we play the Japanese version of the word chain game?" Hoseok suggested, his tired grin unwavering.

" _Let’s. Go. Home._ " Taehyung growled. He no longer cared that, judging by the way things were going, he _might_ need to sacrifice his voice by repeating that phrase about a hundred more times for the sake of hitting the hay as soon as possible.

"Or the three-line-poem game?" Yoongi quietly added.

“ _Let’sgohome!_ " Taehyung whined once more, his tears of frustration almost welling up.

"I’ve finally learned how to do an impression of a bunny!" Jungkook randomly announced, flashing his signature innocent toothy smile while hopping on top his seat. "Wanna see?"

"Let’s just go!"

"I’ve been thinking I should quit on my diet so I can eat ice cream all day. What do you guys think?" Jimin pondered as his fingers played the paper placemat.

"Don’t you all miss your beds!?"

"I recently bought a book of puns, but I bet I can come up with better ones," Seokjin bragged and puffed his chest out proudly.

"Nobody cares!"

"When I retire, I plan to learn Zumba so I can teach old ladies to stay fit! Yay!" Hoseok happily planned and clapped his hands excitedly.

"Oh, come on!"

"If I could kill you all and get away with it, I would definitely do that," Yoongi threatened without sounding murderous at all.

"Right, I’d rather die right now!"

"Did you know that the stars you see every night have actually been around for hundreds of thousands of years?" Namjoon informed matter-of-factly but with a vain effort of keeping a straight face.

" _Let’s go home!_ It’s seriously over if we start talking about space!" However, even the slightest mention of the cosmos would have Kim Taehyung taking the subject to a level so deep no ordinary human could reach, though his feet on the ground were being heavier than usual.

"Oh, yeah!" Jimin spoke up all of a sudden, which earned him five (and one annoyed but mild) curious looks. "I think if we talk about this, we can get things going again~"

"What? What is it, Jiminie?" Five eager but weary voices chorused.

Jimin bowed his head a little as if a shadow would cast on his eyes for dramatic effect. "Yoongi-hyung..."

Yoongi raised a brow. "Hm?"

Jimin managed to slowly say, "Honestly... like, right now..." without cutting himself off by his own giggle.

Yoongi moved his head forward to get a better grip of the following words:

"Is there someone you _like_?"

This time, half a second passed before Taehyung angrily threw his cap on the ground and yell, " _LET’S GO HOME!_ YOU JUST SAID SOMETHING FROM, LIKE, A SCHOOL TRIP! THIS IS HELL! AAARGH!"

Seokjin, Yoongi, Hoseok, Namjoon, Jimin, and Jungkook leaned on their seats, crossed-armed, and muttered to themselves, probably imagining Yoongi’s possible partner.

"No, no, no, we’re done here." Taehyung sat upright, cleared his throat, and attempted to switch to a more polite but still stern tone. "As soon as we get too relaxed, we go home, alright? Relaxed equals go home immediately, okay? Period. Seriously!"

"Taehyung-ah," Namjoon frowned the first time ever since Taehyung lost the energy to join the fun.

Taehyung, for the first time as well, was left speechless by the rare attention he was given and merely blinked with his heavy eyelids.

"If you’re that insistent..." Namjoon tilted his head, arms still crossed. "Why don’t you go home by yourself? These guys, I think, still want to play the three-line-poem game. And then we’ll go home. We promise."

"Huh?" Taehyung widened his heavy eyes; he couldn’t believe his ears and the louder pounding of his heartbeat. Had his hyungs and his only dongsaeng finally recognized his efforts to communicate to them his yearning to drop dead on the comforts of his mattress (shared with Namjoon) and heeded his plea? "For real? Y-you’re gonna stop soon?"

The six shitheads smiled like they were permitting a child to play outside and confirmed with a nod.

Taehyung gaped at his friends’ unexpected sympathy when they had been mostly ignorant minutes before. His childlike selfishness screamed they should retire back home together because that’s what brothers do, but their go signal for letting him take a step ahead to dreamland was undoubtedly so much better than enduring another hour of their annoying nonsense.

Taehyung heaved a resigned sigh. "Okay, fine." He picked his cap and stood up, triggering the pain of his butt from being pressed for too long. On that very moment, he had the chance to walk away from the all too familiar deafening laughter and the sickening scent of sweat, wine, and leftovers. He had the very chance to stretch his stiff legs away from the restaurant’s enclosed walls and artificial lights and relish the fresh night (or rather early morning) suburb breeze. He had the chance to hear the satisfying click of unlocking their apartment door, crawl into his bed, and finally earn his reward for shouting his desperation to get home and sleep at the top of his lungs.

But instead, Taehyung found himself plopping back to his seat and breathing a very long sigh.

"Well, what the fuck. Since we’re here already, I’ll play just one game-"

" _Leave us the fuck alone, you weaksauce doucebag!_ "

**Author's Note:**

> 기대 - gidae - expectation  
> 대개 - daegae - mostly  
> 개복치 - gaebogchi - sunfish  
> 치과 - chigwa - dentistry  
> 과정 - gwajeong - process
> 
> Corrected by [ktaebwi from Tumblr](http://ktaebwi.tumblr.com/post/170613596922)! Thanks again!
> 
> And thanks for reading! :D


End file.
